In 1985, the band Dire Straits had a number one single and video with the song "Money For Nothing." The song started with a virtual cry of "I want my M-TV!" Music Television was the rage in those days. The song became the rage. It was about a blue-collar worker watching music videos and commenting on what he was watching. He was clearly envious of the lifestyle and benefits the musicians received.
Recently, I was clearly envious of the lifestyle and benefits of my every day life. One of the oldest axioms known to mankind is that we should appreciate what we have before it is too late. Of course, that strikes up another musical memory--"don't know what you've got 'till it's gone--Cinderella. Without a doubt, we have a tendency to appreciate what we "had," rather than what we "have." By the time we realize this, in the words of Carole King, "it's too late, baby!" For a solid week, I was truly out of pocket--monetarily and connectivity-wise. Chalk it up to a Caribbean cruise which had our family in ports such as San Juan, Aruba, Curacao, St. Maarten, and St. Thomas. To say the least, I've got "island fever." Enough already! I'm all beached-out!

Additionally, I am all soccered-out, or should I say "futboled out." Royal Caribbean is a superior cruise line with many luxurious amenities. One of those is not the benefit of United States sports television. ESPN is a massive entity, operating in many facets and in many formats around the world. On this ship which originated out of San Juan, I got a rogue version which focused on Central America and Europe.
As a result, instead of receiving major league baseball games, the College World Series (with a certain team named LSU), the NBA title series, SportsCenter and such, I was bombarded with soccer and taped strong man competition shows. Just as with beaches, if I see another player in a loose shirt and shorts laying on a pitch in Paul Pierce-esque fashion as if he'd just been shot, I will scream (at the very least). If I see another guy in a shirt that seems five sizes too small pulling a ball and chain 50 yards to prove how juiced-up he is, I will throw something at the tube!

Dealing with the World's Strongest Man competition repetitively is one thing. Watching soccer day and night with commentary is akin to cruel and unusual punishment to someone who is vaguely interested. I do not dislike soccer. My son plays soccer though my wife is clearly the "soccer mom." I have interest in the sport when it comes to the World Cup, the Olympics, or when David Beckham debuts with the Los Angeles Galaxy. Locally, we have the New Orleans Shockers and will cover prep soccer appropriately. The sport and those in the game deserve nothing less. 

Of course, being marooned to see only what the rest of the world lives for in sport was a bitter pill to swallow. I found myself singing, "Get Back" by the Beatles. I longed to return to where I belonged, receiving total and complete sports information about subject matter that keenly interests me.

What don't I get that the rest of the world consumes in over-enthusiastic fashion? I appreciate the skill of soccer. You must be in incredible shape and have marvelous ball skills. Of course, I view this sport as being all about individual skill, rather than team play. A guy that is faster can outrun another to threaten a goal. Set pieces are the rage. They are all about individual skills. A great goal keeper can thwart the most serious thunder foot.

The lack of scoring certainly makes the sport less than compelling. That said, I found myself immersed in Euro Cup 2008. I had no choice. While in Aruba, I stumbled on to a Dutch party of nearly 1,000 people gathered in the brightest, most awful orange shirts you will ever see. Tennessee has nothing on these folks. Of course, they were singing, chanting, and consuming massive quantities of alcohol. They were gathered to watch the Netherlands win their group. Of course, they would ultimately be beaten by the Russians in an upset. The Russians wear white, red, and blue. They were coached by the former Dutch coach. Think I wasn't watching? A guy named Cristiano Ronaldo is a star for Portugal. Luca Toni hasn't been scoring for Italy. Thierry Henry of France has gotten old. Spain is real good. They knocked out defending World Cup champion Italy. Where in the heck was England? I thought they invented the sport?
It's a nice game. It has intrinsic value. For my taste, it still does not measure up to the three majors of football, baseball, and basketball. Many soccer scoffers still postulate that "futbol" players are those who were not good enough for the three major sports. Perhaps that is true, to a degree, in the United States. It is absolutely false in other parts of the world where soccer is king.
When it comes to cruise-line television, they are "off-sides." I give them a "yellow card." It is a "flop." The "pitch" is weak. They paint you into a "corner." In "Money For Nothing," the blue-collar worker says, "look at them yo-yo's. They get their money for nothing and their chicks for free." As I viewed in captive fashion, I found myself harkening to that lyric. In my angst to see the events which I was starved for while stuck with soccer, my thoughts became, "look at them yo-yo's. They get their money for not even using their hands and their kicks for free." Of course, this didn't apply to Diego Maradona. Think I haven't been paying attention? By the time the week was up, I wanted to go Zinedine Zidane on Marco Materazzi to the television. Appreciate what you have. I never thought I would say this but "I want my ESPN!"                      
 
*****Ken Trahan serves as Sports Director of WGSO, 990 AM. Ken is also the President and General Manager of neworleans.com Sports and serves as General Manager and Chairman of the Board of the Saints Hall of Fame Museum in the Louisiana Superdome.

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